Click Here for Update 103
: God dammit! Fuck! Shut up! Fuck! Go back to being dead!
: “To think I’d get to see you so surprised… honestly, it’s pretty satisfying.”
: Okay… let’s see. There has to be a reason for this other than “We bought back Akechi because fangirls”. Maybe it’s like Interstellar where that lady hallucinates George Clooney being alive.
: “You said, ‘there’s no need’… just what do you mean by that?”
: “Exactly as it sounds. I’ll agree to testify against Shido and his crimes. I assume that works for you?”
: Any minute now, Sae’s going to look at Joker and go “Who are you talking to? There’s nobody there.”
: “That’s right. I have no hidden agenda at this point. If I had to explain myself, I’d say it’s simply personal principle that I repay my debts.”
: “For the time being at least, I’ll take your word that you’ll cooperate with the investigation.”
: “That would save a lot of time.”
: “I’m sorry… you can forget everything I just told you. I’ll take him in myself.”
: Okay, she just talked to Akechi and acknowledged his existence. New theory: when Mementos was merged with reality, Igor implanted a fake Akechi into Sae’s head that’s just good enough to testify before vanishing.
: That’d go great with the whole “the world is a cognition” bit and would make the end of the casino feel like less of an ass pull. And here I underestimated the writers for Royal thinking they’d bring Akechi back purely based on his popularity with the Japanese fanbase. It’s not like they’d change the entire plot based on a focus group. Nobody could be THAT dumb.
: We get messages from every possible love interest that we’ve maxed out.
: In addition to these nine options, there’s a hidden tenth option which only appears as a failsafe if you are not dating anyone. Unfortunately, you can’t select it if you meet the criteria for any of the other possible scenes… and as it turns out, I did in fact date Haru in the base game so I can’t use that save file. I completely forgot about that.
: Anyway, it looks like Tae won the poll, so we’ll do her date for this update. The rest of them will be posted under the “Alternate Scenes” header.
: Tae’s fashion sense is like that one zombie from Chainsaw Man who has so many thoughts that the only thing she can think of is Halloween.
: “Anyway, thanks for coming. Were you hoping to see me today?”
: “Aren’t you straightforward? Well, then I can be honest too: I’m glad to hear it. So what happens after this? If you don’t have anything in mind, we can go out to eat. Don’t worry, no experiments today.”
: “Cool. Let’s go. Oh, but first… this usually isn’t my style, but it’s Christmas, so… would you like to hold hands?”
: Whoa there! That’s WAY too lewd for a second date! It’d be one thing if you put a collar around Joker’s neck and suddenly it’s BDSM-o-clock, but holding hands!? Can we even show that? That’s practically illegal!
: Holy fuck! I’m calling the goddamn FCC! You can’t show that! He’s underage! I need an adult!
: “Didn’t think all the restaurants would be totally booked…”
: “…Where do you learn these lines? Cake first, though, right? Once we’ve got that, you can feed me all the cheesy schlock you want. Let’s go look for one.”
: “You wouldn’t happen to have any Christmas cakes left, would you?”
: “What?”
: “Well, in that case… we’d like to buy it.”
: “Can you believe that?”
: “Slow down. We’ll get to enjoy it soon. Just the two of us.”
: Joker: “Are you still talking about the cake?”
: “Maybe we should do this more often. How about you? Having fun?”
: “Wow. I didn’t know you were so worked up over it. Well, maybe I can make this a little more exciting.”
: Each of the possible Christmas dates (except the one for not having a date, which would actually be really useful if it existed) gives you an item that carries over to New Game Plus.
: These items give a boost to the amount of confidant points earned during a confidant event with the corresponding character. Because equipment carries over, Tae isn’t a great choice for this.
: The best choice here is Haru. This is because at the end of the game, you get an item from every non-auto confidant you’ve maxed out that gives you all of their abilities as soon as you unlock Rank 1 in NG+.
: The exceptions are the party members, who only carry over their passive abilities - they don’t carry over any of their combat abilities (Harisen Recovery, Endure) or their second Persona.
: “Here’s your present. Not handmade or anything, okay? Just do you know this wasn’t some huge labor of love.”
: “You can be pretty sweet sometimes. …Hmm…”
: “Got a chill down your spine? You had cream on your nose. No idea how it got there, but…”
: Yusuke wouldn’t need to do this because he and Joker don’t need excuses to be intimate.
: “As far as your other identity goes… I figure it’s not my business. But as long as we’re making this work somehow, I might as well say this. I can at least tell how much you and the other Phantom Thieves go through to save people.”
: The whole thing with Yaldabaoth has already self-retconned.
: “I am your girlfriend, after all. I just wanted to acknowledge that… it’s thanks to those efforts that I found my own calling. …I really am glad I’ve got you.”
: “Still, I gotta say… you’ve got some weird taste. People talk, but what it comes down to is that the Phantom Thieves are these big modern heroes, right? Never really thought of myself as girlfriend material, let alone for a hero.”
: “All right already. Bring it down a notch, smooth talker. Who are you trying to impress? Whoa, look…”
: Who does this? Who sees snow and goes “Let’s open the window!”
: “I never fell for this stuff. All the snowfall, the romance… I’m not exactly the swooning type. …Didn’t think I was, anyway. Geez. I’m supposed to be the adult here, but you’re the one who keeps supporting me.”
: “How about you? It’s… good, right? I feel like… I’m going to wake up any second now, and all this will be gone.”
: It’s funny because… well, you’ll see.
: “You’re right. Maybe everything can just be nice for once.”
: Oh no, a recording block! Whatever will I do? How will I show off how fucking stupid the expansion content is!?
: This is the point where the “Where Persona 5 Ends” and “A World Without Pain” routes are going to diverge. Technically, the divergence happens when Akechi comes back, but the first major changes start here.
: “He turned himself in to the police. Sis told me yesterday. He’s admitted to being the perpetrator behind the recent cases.”
: “So he’s alive…”
: “Akechi-kun survived and owned up to what he did…”
: “Well, I feel it’s for the best. If Akechi-kun is alive, and he can atone for his crimes… that’s not a bad turn of events.”
: It’s like they’re retconning the fact that Akechi killed her father and Futaba’s mother, because Persona started with Persona 3 and Akechi has always been the soft gay pancake boyfriend.
: “Right. Ain’t that all stuff to be happy about?”
: “Mmhm. It’s Christmas. We should enjoy the day to our hearts’ content.”
: “I approve. Let everyone be merry to the max!”
: “I’m the one who should be giving permission, you know. Well, as long as you don’t go overboard, I guess you can go ahead and cut loose today.”
: “…He didn’t hear a word of that. Eh, fine.”
: “Oh my! This is quite the sight. …I’m going to be entirely honest: I wasn’t able to bring a dish. Instead, leave the dishwashing duties to me. I’ll make sure they turn out beautifully immaculate.”
: Joker and Yusuke can tell no one they bought the giant boyfriend cake.
: “Hmm… why don’t we all just clean up together?”
: “So, who brought what?”
: “I brought that marinated seafood.”
: “Mmm! That’s super good!”
: “It may not be to everyone’s tastes, but I brought that cheese plate.”
: “Whoa! It smells like dirty socks… ohhh! But it tastes great!”
: “Thank goodness. Oh, is this a croquembouche? It’s so cute!”
: “All I did was buy some cream puffs and stack them up, though.”
: “It’s been arranged so artistically that I hesitate to sample it. When it comes to sweets, Ann truly has us beat.”
: When I saw this line in recording, I went “What are the chances of Akechi walking through the door and going ‘Hi, it’s me, Akechi! I brought them!’ like it’s a fucking 90s sitcom?” and was very ready for the possibility I’d have to cut recording there and have the rest of the update being me screaming “FUCK” again.
: “Uhhhh… me… kinda?”
: “Ryuji… brought sweets…”
: “Ryuji and sweets…”
: “Sweets…”
: “Hey! What’re you guys gettin’ at?”
: This is anime, so of course boys can’t enjoy sweet things.
: “I had expected something along the lines of meat… for some reason, chicken comes to mind when I think of you.”
: KFC is a huge thing in Japan on Christmas.
: “Ryuji… chicken…”
: “U-um, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that in any kind of comparative way.”
: “Please, don’t keep going… it just hurts even more…”
: “Did you hear what I just said?”
: “C’mon, don’t get all depressed. Everyone’s here to party!”
: “Everyone…”
: “Oh…”
: “Mona-chan…”
: “I was trying my best not to mention it, but it’s hard to avoid.”
: I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes.
: “Yeah, we were just talkin’ about- HUH!?”
: “Wait… what? No way! I thought you disappeared!”
: “Looks like the only me that disappeared was the one in the Metaverse.”
: “So… you stayed in reality as a cat?”
: SMART GIRL moment.
: “When I woke up, I was out in Shibuya looking like this. I headed back here right away, but it took a surprising amount of time.”
: “If you were coming back here, you should’ve told us, moron!”
: What was he supposed to do, use his cell phone?
: “We were so worried!”
: “Sheesh… well, I’ve brought my own surprise back too. I brought some fried chicken. This doesn’t have anything to do with your conversation earlier, though. Any room left on the table?”
: “Oooh! Now there’s our chief for ya!”
: They should have used this portrait for Morgana even in dungeons. It’d probably make me hate him less. Hell, they should’ve gone all the way and made him a cat when he’s in the party.
: “Talk about everything falling into place…”
: “Things are finally back to normal.”
: “…Family, huh? So I’m basically your older brother, right?”
: “Futaba… that’s right. Tonight’s supposed to be a celebration… I’m glad I could be a part of it. I know I already said it, but… thanks, everyone. I’m glad I got to come back to you.”
: Now that it’s over, let me tell you something about that last scene. It’s actually recycled from the base game - the difference is that in the base game, it happens in February. They even recycled some of the dialog.
: In fact, let’s talk about what happens in the base game. In the base game, Joker turns himself in sometime in the early hours of Christmas morning. He spends Christmas being interrogated, and then is subsequently tried and put in prison.
: This event in the base game is the party meeting up to figure out how to get him out of prison.
: This is another thing that doesn’t happen in the base game, which skips from the 25th to the 31st.
: She sure helped him out in that one fight against an enemy Joker could’ve instakilled, and… wait, why does it feel like they forgot something?
: “A year-end party, huh? I’m already excited! Oh, let’s invite Yoshizawa right away!”
: What. What the fuck is that scarf. Joker, why are you letting your boyfriend wear that?
: “Yeah! You really helped Akira out, too.”
: “In that case, I’ll accept your offer.”
: “Yo, I really can’t stop starin’ at that thing you’re wearing.”
: “Heh… so it’s caught your eye as well. It happened to catch mine while I was strolling through the city. I bought it for myself as a reward for the end of the year. What do you think? About the scarf.”
: I was torn here between option one and option three: on the one hand, Joker wants to get that scarf off Yusuke ASAP, but on the other he also wants to gently prod Yusuke into wearing something more tasteful.
: The only reason Joker doesn’t pick option three is that he’s terrified that one day Yusuke will burst into Leblanc carrying a handmade scarf.
: “Thank you. Your compliment is music to my ears.”
: “I don’t think anyone other than you could pull it off, Kitagawa-senpai.”
: “This fashion chat is fine and all, but if you don’t dig into that soba soon, it’s gonna get soggy on you.”
: “It’s chow time!”
: “Mmm! So good!”
: “Sakura-san, you made these noodles yourself, right? They’re amazing! You could open a soba restaurant!”
: “Aw, thanks. I made a little too much, so if anyone wants a refill-”
: “Seconds please!”
: “How fast do you eat!?”
: “You eat a lot more than I’d assumed you do, Yoshizawa-san.”
: “Seriously? While being that thin!?”
: “Kurusu-senpai, don’t kid them so much. My appetite’s totally normal.”
: “It’s finally happening…”
: “I was planning on telling you all about this a little later. This case is all thanks to a certain man’s testimony. But, I can at least share this one piece of good news with you.”
: “And that would be…?”
: “The woman involved in Kurusu-kun’s false charge case has finally come forward and provided her testimony. I can’t say for certain yet… but his criminal record may very well be overturned.”
: “For real!?”
: “That’s wonderful!”
: “Congratulations, Senpai!”
: “Of course, this is highly confidential, got it?”
: “What great news, Akira. Looks like we really will be having a happy new year.”
: Ironic when in the base game, Joker is in prison at this point. He doesn’t get out until February.
: “This is incredible! It’s an actual, real-life good ending!”
: “I’ve been seeing this guy on TV all the time lately.”
: “Oh yeah, he’s a model-turned-actor. With a figure like that, I can see how he’s gotten so popular.”
: This guy is in… I think Shibuya, but it might be Shinjuku, throughout the game. He usually complains that he can’t break into acting.
: “So, he’s popular, eh? If I were more like that human, maybe Lady Ann would…”
: “Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, a helluva lot sure did happen this year.”
: “Right? It’s like, how many years of our lives did we actually live through this year?”
: “I doubt we’ll experience anything even similar to it for quite some time.”
: “Well, this is just from my point of view, but I really hope that’s the case.”
: “Then I guess starting next year, we’ll just be good boys and girls at school.”
: “If that’s the case, then I assume you’ll be able to handle your summer break homework on your own - right?”
: “Please don’t go there, Senpai…”
: “So much has happened over the past twelve months. But in the end, we got to spend it together like this. I wanna believe that this was a great year for us.”
: “Yeah. I don’t have any proof, but I feel like next year’s gonna be even better for us.”
: So what you’re saying is that it’s been a long December, and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last? I think I already used that song but this LP has been going on so long that I have forgotten if I actually did.
: I also am just now finding out that Counting Crows had more than one album, which goes against my belief that they put out A Long December and then on January 1st, 1997 walked out into the morning sun and were immediately vaporized.
: “I feel the exact same way! How strange…”
: “Well, that’s only natural, considering how pleased we are with our end-of-year celebration.”
: “I really don’t want to get going, but it seems like it’s time.”
: “See ya next year, right?”
: “Next year… Sojiro! Osechi time! Get those New Year’s dishes ready, chop chop! And don’t forget the black beans!”
: Osechi is a New Year’s thing in Japan that comes in this a tiered box kind of like a giant bento. It has a number of different foods in it, but there’s one in the Wikipedia article for it that makes me wish this was a thing in the US.
: This is a thing they need to adapt immediately in Connecticut, only the top box is just the lobster, cooked and ready, with all the other stuff replaced by butter and lobster sauce. Maybe some lemon wedges too.
: The second tier is a second lobster, and the third tier has… a third lobster. You know what, just skip the box and give me the three lobsters and the sauces so I can maximize my lobster intake.
: “Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. If I start prepping the beans now, they’ll be ready by the morning. Don’t worry about the food, you just go have a good night’s sleep.”
: I made dorayaki once. Nothing like going “Shit, time for bed, also time to soak the beans.”
: “Hey, Akira - don’t tell this to the others, okay? But, even after I disappeared, I was still vaguely conscious… and being separated from all of you was… really scary.”
: “I thought, if it’s even a little bit possible, I wanted to come home to you guys… that’s why I’m so glad I was able to come back here.”
: “Yeah, thanks. Well, it’s pretty late. Let’s get to sleep. I know I’ve said this before, but I hope we keep sticking together like this, Akira.”
: Shit, that’s a one-way ticket to a stiff neck in the morning.
: It should be obvious where Joker is. We spent ten confidant ranks in here. This is Maruki’s office.
: The voice here plays twice and is distorted the second time.
:Joker moves at a plodding pace, and you can hear voices in Japanese playing in the background. Some of them definitely belong to Haru and Ann, and I think one belongs to Futaba but it’s hard to make out.
: “Were you still asleep, Kurusu-senpai?”
: “I was just guessing, but I suppose you did sound a bit sleepy, too. Remember promising me that we’d go pay our respects to the shrine together on New Year’s Day?”
: “Great! Well, today’s the day, if you want to keep that promise… I realize this may be a bit forward of me, but… what do you say to accompanying me to Meiji Shrine this afternoon?”
: “Really? Great, thank you! It’ll probably be pretty crowded today, but it oughtn’t be too bad in the afternoon, at least.”
: giggle “I must agree. I’ll make sure to pray to the gods that it won’t be so crowded! Oh, shoot… I hope that doesn’t count as me wishing before making my offering.”
: “Heeey, you up yet?”
: “Well, let’s meet at the shrine around noon. I’ll see you then!”
: “If you’re awake, could you lend me a hand?”
: “Oh, that reminds me - Happy New Year.”
: “And I hope you’ll continue getting along with Futaba and myself.”
: “I could cook some up, so long as you serve yourself everything and pay your bill on the way out.”
: “That’s a wise choice.”
: Joker screams. He runs to his room to call Yusuke and tell him to bring the biggest squirt gun he can find.
: This guy’s voice is unmistakably Morgana’s. What the fuck is going on here?
: “Oho, lookin’ sharp.”
: “Heheheh…”
: I’m only not screaming because I know there’s a plot reason for all of this. The thing is, it’s not a plot reason that explains the obviously human Morgana or Akechi coming back to life.
: Trust me, I’ll be screaming soon enough, because one of the things it doesn’t explain is why a bunch of cutscenes that were added for Royal to the base game exist at all.
: “Sorry, I don’t wanna be late to the shrine. More showing off comes later. Welp, time to make like a tree!”
: “What’s up? Did you have plans for today or something?”
: “Aw, c’mon, you should’ve just said as much, then. I’ll be fine here, so off you go. Have fun. Oh, but it’s pretty cold out there, so don’t forget to dress warm so you don’t catch a bug.”
: Uh, Joker? I think he’s right in front of you.
: Everyone else seems normal, at least.
: Atlus: “Sorry, we can’t afford to write a better plot. We’re too busy dumping our money into portraits we’re going to use for one scene.”
: “Talk about incredible happenstance.”
: “Indeed - but, due to this fortuitous turn of fate…”
: What’s funny about this is that Yusuke has a little animation where he starts the box over near where Makoto is, but quickly moves it to the left.
: I think we all know he’s actually talking about Joker.
: “What’re you doing, Kitagawa-senpai?”
: “Just ignore him. It’s like a fit he gets into sometimes.”
: “So, what do you wanna do after this? If we’ve got the time for it, why don’t we grab somethin’ to eat together?”
: “I’m sorry, I’ll be heading out with my family once we’re finished here.”
: “I have somewhere to be as well.”
: By the end of this conversation, we’ll know a lot about this strange new world we’ve entered. In fact, this cutscene is going to make a few upcoming ones kinda pointless.
: The only people who haven’t had their dreams magically come to life are Makoto and Yusuke. In the former case it’s because Makoto is a cardboard cutout and Yusuke’s only wish is Joker.
: “Well, I guess we’ll all just go do our own thing then.”
: “Mmhm! See you later.”
: “Oh, I was wondering earlier - what did you wish for at the shrine, Kurusu-senpai?”
: giggle “Well, we did just run into everyone else - maybe that was your wish!”
: “Me? Well…”
: “Ummm… he’s telling me that some relatives have come over to the house, so I have to go home and spend some time with them. He decided to come all the way out to the station to get me… my family’s kind of serious about their get-togethers.”
: “I’m really sorry - I was the one who invited you here and everything! At least allow me to accompany you to the station.”
: I don’t know what it is about the portrait for Kasumi’s father, but it looks… off. Anyway, there’s also a portrait if you didn’t do Kasumi’s Rank 3 event.
: “Hrgh…”
: “Who do we have here? I believe this is our first time meeting.”
: “This is Kurusu-senpai. The one I told you about before? My senpai who’s done so much for me.”
: “Ah, so you’re Kurusu-kun. My daughter talks about you all the time.”
: “D-Dad! Not all the time!”
: “Is that not so? I was told you picked these out for me, too. I know it’s pretty late for it, but thank you all the same.”
: “Dad wears them all the time, even at work.”
: “I’m quite the fan of them.”
: This shot here is kind of a plot hole, but the weird color filter thing has happened twice now. The first time was when Joker walked down the stairs this morning.
: “Wha-?”
: “Hm? Something wrong?”
: “Ah… no, nothing! Well then, Kurusu-senpai - please excuse us!”
: Well, that’s it for this update. We have a number of lengthy cutscenes coming in the next update, plus I have to do all the other Christmas Eve dates.
: Next time, we’ll see what’s probably the gayest scene in the game (not counting the gay Yusuke route) and find out who the final villain is.
: Anyway, I’m tired of all this dialog. I feel like it’s too much build-up, not enough payoff. Dreams magically coming to life… what a stupid fucking plot. I’m gonna go to bed. Good night, everyone.