Click Here for Update 63
: Two more days of cutscene before we get to do anything.
: Oh, right. This update will contain a depiction of what’s basically spousal abuse, so if you’re not comfortable with that, feel free to skip this update.
: I mean, calling yourself Beauty Thief would be perfectly normal if you’re in a Mad Max clone where instead of gasoline and water people fight over expensive cosmetics.
: Gang of teenage girls with guns driving post-apocalyptic motorcycles trying to raid a convoy carrying limited-edition makeup.
: By the way, the other LP complained about the whole “Beauty Thief” thing not making sense and I don’t think they realized it’s not supposed to make sense. She’s doing it because she wants to be a magical girl.
: “Man, this girl’s hot! Aww, but she’s younger than me.”
: “Ryuji!”
: “No way! She’s the same age as me!? She looks like my dad’s friend…”
: “Get back to work.”
: “Why don’t we take a break? It’s no surprise our concentration is waning.”
: “They’re all starting to look the same to me…”
: “Think we can really find her?”
: “Someone sure is confident.”
: I wonder if Haru has at any point considered selling advertising space on her massive forehead.
: “Wasn’t the Beauty Thief like this too? Especially the fluffy hair.”
: They should’ve had a scene where Haru holds Ann and Makoto up and just goes “Put your bangs in the bag and no one gets hurt.”
: “That’s gotta be her!”
: “It would also explain how she got past the door’s biometric reader.. this may be worth looking into.”
: Now, it’s right about here that I’d like to point out an actual plot hole. The party could do something that would allow them to easily bypass that door without needing Haru.
: We’ll see what that is after the next dungeon.
: “By why was she at the Palace?”
: “We could just make her spill the beans herself.”
: “She may have already gone home for the day, so let’s try tomorrow. I’m going to lock up. I’ll see you all tomorrow.”
: “Really? In that case… if you could help me unload this…”
: “You’re a second-year, aren’t you? That makes me just a tad older. Um.. have we met somewhere before?”
: “The only daughter of Kunikazu Okumura, CEO of Okumura Foods. Care to explain why you were inside your father’s Palace?”
: “Ahh.. so that’s where we met. Wow, you figured it out in just a day. You looked really good in that biker gang outfit!”
: She’s being sincere here, but I like to think she’s mocking Makoto. “Congratulations, you found me and my gigantic forehead. You sure are THE SMART GIRL.”
: “Let’s… not talk about that… so why did you become a phantom thief?”
: “Things have grown quite serious lately… that’s why I want to make amends, even though it may only be for my own satisfaction. But I wonder if this is just running from the problem…”
: “Where did you meet Morgana?”
: “It was pure coincidence. I found a lonely-looking cat in front of our office building.”
: “And that was Morgana?”
: No, it was Raidou Kuzunoha’s talking cat, which I just now found out about. Raidou’s cat is also black, though it’s less of a dipshit than Morgana is because Hashino is an unoriginal fuck.
: And before you ask, Hashino had nothing to do with the Raidou games. He was a “planner” on Devil Summoner and Soul Hackers, but not on the Raidou games - at least according to the wiki.
: “And when I followed him, I ended up in the Metaverse… there’s no way for me to change my father’s company… but if I became a phantom thief, I thought I’d at least be able to change him.”
: “…Isn’t there any way we can work together?”
: “Besides, the Phantom Thieves, who should be helping the weak, are not helping their own teammate.”
: “…”
: “I just want my father to atone for his crimes. And help Mona-chan, who gave me a chance to do just that.”
: “But aren’t our objectives the same? It’d be better if we work-”
: “No, thank you. I will do this with Mona-chan, and him alone.”
: “It seems getting her cooperation won’t be possible. Let’s consult with the others on our next move. We shouldn’t ignore Morgana either.”
: Dessler is upset because the Yamato just Wave Motion Gunned half his fleet around Pluto to death, and his ingenious plan to bounce lasers off satellites to bypass their point defenses didn’t work.
: “..That’s right. Make it a priority. I finally get a foothold into politics and this happens. Phantom Thieves? Hmph!”
: “Did the media ask you anything?”
: “No, not at all. Um, what’s this about the Phantom Thieves?”
: “It’s jealousy of the successful. Nothing but the barks of the masses who lack the resolve to sacrifice what’s needed for their well-being.”
: “Both the young and the old are overjoyed with some foolish idols. This country has no future.”
: His dialog sounds fucking stupid until you realize who he’s supposed to be. Trust me when I say Yamato is FULL of scenes like this. Dessler has a wine glass in his hand in about half the scenes he’s in, even when it makes no sense for him to have one. ESPECIALLY if it makes no sense for him to have one.
: “What if they do exist? What if these Phantom Thieves really can steal hearts?”
: “Are you still having doubts about me?”
: “No…”
: “More importantly, I hope things are going well with that young man.”
: “…Yes, father.”
: “Very well then. He may not seem like it, but he’s still the son of an influential politician. Be cordial with him. He’ll eventually become a necessary connection for this company - or rather, for me.”
: “…I understand. I will do the best I can.”
: Before we’re forced into bed, all the items in Joker’s room have ANOTHER set of unique lines. Seriously what the fuck, they had someone write all this shit but couldn’t do a fucking song for it?
: “Come on, you’re young! Hawaii doesn’t even count as going to a foreign country.”
: Try telling Customs and Border Patrol that.
: “It’s full of Japanese tourists. I bet you were able to speak Japanese wherever you went, weren’t you? The shopkeepers will use Japanese to pressure you into buying things as if their life depended on it.”
: “I’m used to it though, so I actually haggle with them in English. Mr. Kurusu! Show me how much you know your English.”
: My cat doesn’t need to meow, he merely steps on my face at 4AM until someone feeds him.
: “Good! In ancient Egypt, it’s said that the tongues of liars and blasphemers were cut out and fed to cats. It’s also possible it came from the pirates’ ‘cat-o-nine-tails’ leaving a prison too stung to talk.”
: “There are actually a lot of other expressions involving cats. ‘A cat has nine lives,’ for instance. That relates to how cats seem capable of surviving all kinds of dangers- - even ones you’d expect to kill them.”
: Here’s a shot of what happens when you answer a question without Morgana being there to narrate. Clearly, the social stats are a thing like Metroid Other M where Joker has to authorize himself to use them.
: “I know already! And why’re you just sayin’ that to me!?”
: “We need to be wary of the Beauty Thief too.”
: “So we’re doing a stakeout here.”
: “We better be ready for the long haul!”
: “Hold that thought.”
: “Do you have business with us?”
: "Aren’t you fulfilling the requests on the Phantom Aficionado Website? Even leaving comments? It’d be best if you didn’t accept them so recklessly.’
: “The police will track you down in no time. If that were to happen, we’d be caught up in it as well.”
: “That’s not what I intended! But.. that would be my fault.. I’m actually not that great with machines.. I’m truly sorry.”
: It’s non-canon, but in P5 Dancing Haru mentions that she does not know how to use a computer.. because she’s Sailor Moon.
: “Why’re you apologizing!?”
: “They’re telling us for our sake. We should be thanking them.”
: “Won’t you please put what happened behind us?”
: “So I’m the one you’re here for? You guys need me after all? Is that it?”
: We’re lying, obviously.
: “Really?”
: “Lady Ann…”
: “E-Everyone, shouldn’t you be using code names?”
: Nah, they kinda threw that out the window three dungeons ago.
: “Ryuji didn’t really mean what he said, you know? He wants to apologize…”
: “Well, it’s like… it was my bad too… I mean, I don’t mind if you’re not human or if you’re useless!”
: “What a douche…”
: “Ann’s setup was completely ruined.”
: “Get in, Beauty Thief! If you can’t do this, don’t count on me ever coming back!”
: “Did he even think about how long he made us wait!? Fine, we’ll do this!”
: “Geez! This isn’t what we came here to do!”
: “We need to go after him and talk things through.”
: “Hm… we are facing a car here. Does it not seem somewhat reckless to chase him on foot?”
: I mean, if Death Stranding taught me anything (apart from “Skip every cutscene, they’re all dumb”) it’s that all you have to do is wait for the car to hit a small rock and go QWOPmode.
: “You sure give up easy. There are dead ends all over this floor. We can do this if we manage to corner him in one.”
: This is an entirely scripted sequence, unlike the thing in Futaba’s palace where you had to at least try a little bit.
: “Hmph, how naive. You really think you’ve captured me?”
: It’s hard to get a good shot of, but Morgana attempts to run Joker over… and this is why I hate Morgana.
: People have pointed out that technically it’s Haru doing that, because Morgana isn’t self-driving, but still. He could easily have seen where that was going to go and stopped being a car.
: “Shit, look out!”
: “Sheesh, what would he have done if he ran us over!?”
: “Stop complaining and let’s get after him again!”
: I like that the writers completely forgot that Makoto’s Persona is a motorcycle.
: “Mona! Will you listen!?”
: “Shut up! I’ve got nothing to talk about with you guys!”
: “Ngh, not again…!”
: “There will be no end at this rate…”
: This doesn’t make a whole lot of sense until you realize that Haru is driving, and she’s got about the same level of driving skill that Maya did.
: “Yup. Mona, are you okay!?”
: “You gotta hear us out, Morgana!”
: “There’s nothing I have to talk to you about.”
: “Come on. There’s no need to keep being so stubborn.”
: “I can’t just give in like this! I have my pride to protect!”
: “It seems we’ve fallen for the oldest trick in the book.”
: “Ugh.. those two…”
: “It’ll never end at this rate… what do we do now?”
: “I don’t hear the sound of his engine at all… could they have left Mementos?”
: SMART GIRL alert.
: “Dammit! Freakin’ Morgana!”
: “Are you sure that was what you wanted?”
: “…Of course it was!”
: Oh look, it’s Discount Yoshikage Kira.
: “I would never do such a thing!”
: “Ow!”
: “Haru! You little - let go of Haru!”
: Clearly Hashino has trouble remembering which Jojo series was which, because this is a direct reference to Iggy’s death scene in Stardust Crusaders.
: “Dammit… I AM useless…! Someone… anyone… is anybody out there!?”
: He.. does realize no one can understand him, right?
: “Was that.. Mona’s voice?”
: “Hey, over there! That doesn’t seem right to me!”
: “The hell are you doing to our friend!?”
: He’s thinking “The cat has already been made a bomb by my Killer Queen.”
: “Fian- what? But she’s clearly fighting you!”
: Joker’s like “What are you gonna do, pull some time travel bullshit out of your ass and then get run over by an ambulance?”
: “I’m fine, but Mona-chan…”
: “This is nothing…”
: “Was that person really your fiance?”
: “Whoa, so you’re engaged then!?”
: “That didn’t seem like an ordinary fight though… shouldn’t you talk to your parents about it?”
: “…I think it’d be useless. I’ll just be told to beg for his forgiveness, even if it means groveling on the ground.”
: “…It seems she has her reasons.”
: I mean, Haru only just tried to kill everyone twice with Morgana as a facilitator. Clearly we can instantly forgive all of that. I mean, it worked perfectly in Ni no Kuni 2… apart from the part where Evan fucking dies before his son reaches adulthood, presumably due to being murdered.
: “Of course. We’ll take her to your place, yeah?”
: “…Thanks.”
: This scene would’ve worked a lot better had it not been for the whole attempted murder thing. Why they even put that in is beyond me.
: “Did you get enough rest?”
: “Mona-chan?”
: “To be frank, there’s no assurance that I’ll turn back into a human either… this can’t be called a fair deal. That’s why I think we should split up.”
: “Who said we’re acting as Phantom Thieves for your sake? I’m doing it to expand my own horizons.”
: “No need to tiptoe around the situation. We’re splitting up.”
: “Do you remember what you said to me when I found you collapsed in the Metaverse? That you’re a Phantom Thief. That you’re going to get stronger and have the others acknowledge you.”
: “You love being here, don’t you?”
: “O-of course not…”
: “I was lying to myself too, but when I formed a contract with my Persona… I understood it all. Doing this because my father is doing something horrible… was nothing but a superficial reason.”
: Haru is kind of a plot hole. What the game hasn’t told us (yet) is that she doesn’t actually have a Persona. She’s got the thief outfit for some reason, but no Persona.
: The thing is, they could’ve done something with this. Have it be that when you first meet her, she’s in a different thief outfit she made herself, and then switches later into her real one.
: But of course, Hashino is an unoriginal fuck and could not find someone to steal that off of - other than, I dunno, the myriad of western cape comics that have done just that.
: “The truth is, I-”
: “Don’t want to get married, right?”
: “I thought that since an adult with responsibilities made the decision, it couldn’t be wrong. I was such a fool, tied down by vague notions and stayed quiet as my marriage partner was chosen…”
: “Phew.. that’s how I truly feel.”
: “Wh-why’re you looking at me all of a sudden?”
: “Mona-chan, why is it that you always talked about becoming human again?”
: “That’s… at first, I only thought of this team as a temporary dwelling until I regained my memories. But I wasn’t making any progress on finding out what I am or why I was born…”
: “Morgana…”
: “…I wanted a reason of my own - a reason to stay with the Phantom Thieves. I don’t have anyone I want to save or get revenge on. Someone like me has no reason to stay here…”
: “That was refreshingly honest.”
: “You shoulda just said so from the start! Geez!”
: “If you stick with me, there’s no telling what kind of trouble will come up! You better be sure about this!”
: “It’s a little late for all that, don’t you think? Of course we want to stay with you too.”
: “Uhh, so… well… I’m sorry I worried you guys. This is where I belong! My mind’s all set! I’ll make sure to work hard to pay my dues. It’s too late to cancel our deal, got it?”
: “Well, in the end, wouldn’t you say that your encounter with us was destiny?”
: “That’s right… ‘Encounter’…”
: “Hm?”
: “Oh crap! The last train’s comin’ up!”
: I believe the last train runs at midnight in Tokyo, if Game Center CX is at all correct.
: “I must go as well.”
: “Let’s continue this another time.”
: “I…”
: “What’s going on here? You brought over another girl?”
: “That’s not what I meant. Anyway, don’t break her heart, all right?”
: “So, you found our cat, and even took care of it?”
: “Oh, it wasn’t a bother or anything.”
: “I’m the one who took care of you though.”
: “What’s up? You seem happy.”
: “It’s been a while since I’ve had a meal with so many people.”
: “Make sure you go home today before it gets too late, okay? I’m sure your parents are worried.”
: “No, I’ll go home. If my father suspects something, it’ll be more difficult to change his heart, wouldn’t it? I’ll contact you again so - oh right! Can we exchange contact info?”
: “Will you be okay on your own? If you need, I can go with you.”
: “You belong here, don’t you, Mona-chan?”
: She attempted to commit murder with him and won’t even take him home.
: “W-Well, yeah…”
: “…Excuse me?”
: “You won’t be officially registered yet, but isn’t that how things are with young people these days? Go prove your sincerity to him. You can do that, can’t you?”
: Haha, us millennials killing marriage, am I right?
: “Not only do you come home late, you’ve even stayed out overnight without my permission.. I thought I had been clear about the friends you chose.”
: “Father, they’re not like-”
: “I have my hands full right now with the company. Don’t cause any more trouble for me.”
: “…I need to discuss something with everyone. Can we all meet?”
: “Haru.. what could be wrong? I wonder why she wants to talk to us…”
: “It’s that same fiance guy, right? You know what’s going to happen..”
: “Based on what Haru just told us, she’ll be taken to his house on October 11th. That means our deadline is the 10th.”
: “But if we trigger a change of heart in your father, he’ll definitely be taken by the police. The label of a ‘criminal’s daughter’ will forever stick with you. Your current living situation may change as well.”
: “And to be honest.. I’ve actually left a request on the Phantom Aficionado Website before.”
: “She did so around the time we were mulling over who to target next.”
: “But… the Phantom Thieves didn’t make a move. That’s when I met Mona-chan. I thought it was fate. I made my decision then. If the Phantom Thieves wouldn’t act, I’d do it myself…”
: “The mental shutdowns, Treasure, and finally, the change of heart… our interests have come together.”
: “Would you cooperate with us now?”
: “Of course. I should be the one cordially asking to be allowed on the team.”
: “From here on, we may be going up against the culprit behind those mental shutdown occurrences. This’ll be different from our training in Mementos. You better brace yourselves.”
: I joined a Megami Tensei speedrun discord a few days ago to ask a mechanics question, and happened to read a guide for P5R speedruns while I was there.
: It kind of made me re-think making a gamebreaker, if only because they use horribly outdated Personas (they fuse an Anzu just before the next boss, the one after Okumura) and get by mostly on items, buffs, and reflects.
: Have I mentioned that they play on Hard?
: “You’re suddenly lecturin’ us?”
: “Weak? Really?”
: “She can transform at the very least, but to be frank, she may slow us down. A lot.”
: “I’m sorry for causing such trouble…”
: “Nah, don’t worry about it. It’s actually convenient for us to target that CEO. Check out this news blog.”
: "There’s a lot of negative comments in regard to the Phantom Thieves. ‘The names of obvious criminals have come up, so why haven’t the Phantom Thieves acted yet!?’ "
: “The way they’re getting heated is on a different level.”
: “Don’t forget about the intel on the mental shutdown cases, all right?”
: “Of course! We’ll get 'em both!”
: Oh, one other detail I love about the speedrun of this game. The world record is something like 14 hours. Most people take somewhere between 15 and 20 hours on their first run.
: This means they have to strategically plan bathroom breaks, and this is where my favorite quote about that comes in: “In long scenes like the buffet after Kamoshida or Hawaii, go to the bathroom.”
: That’s honestly a pretty good way to play this game even if you’re not speedrunning it.
: “As Phantom Thieves, it’s our duty to punish him!”
: We do have an open night slot even though we can’t leave, so tonight we fix the laptop.
: The game warns you that it can take multiple nights to finish it - this is because the laptop is a stat trainer for proficiency. Because we’re already maxed in that, we can fix it in a single night.
: All computers are essentially made up of different components that have already been scalped multiple times by crypto miners. Seriously, they just announced a new video card (to avoid dating the LP I’m not saying which) that went from an initial $~800 MSRP to over $1200 before even releasing.
: If you’ve played Persona 3 or Persona 4, you might have wondered where Tanaka was. He was the guy who ran the TV shopping show in both of those games.
: This also answers the question of “What happened to all of those sunglasses Nyarlathotep had in Persona 2?”
: “What the heck? It just went to that site automatically. Was it configured to do that beforehand? Shady Commodities? So.. it’s an entire online shopping site?”
: If you’re asking why they did this, it’s probably because at the time this game was being written, there was a bunch of public discourse over Silk Road.
: Just in case you haven’t heard of it, Silk Road was an online marketplace that dealt in illegal items - mostly drugs, as they banned the sale of weapons. The person who ran it, Ross Ulbricht, was arrested in 2013.
: “Either way, it’s certainly gotten my attention. Let’s check it out when we have some time.”
: Next time, we’ll go into Mementos. I’ve already transferred the save to the PS5, but I might decide not to do that anyway because of how boring fusing a gamebreaker is.