Update 1: Drakengard, Only In Reverse
Man, those sure are some nice intro slides. It’s a shame that none of this stuff is ever seen in the actual game, or has anything to do with anything. I’m not even kidding.
What’s this? A Not-American flag? The first game took place in “Motown”, which was basically Not-Detroit set in the 1950s. This is basically an anime version of the seal of the President of the United States… so this must take place somewhere else in Not-America.
Clearly we’re not in the 1950s anymore. Welcome to Not-New-York.
Meet the President of Not-America, who looks like he has been forever rejected from a career as a professor in a Pokemon spinoff.
Oh, crap. Well, given where we are, it’s only a matter of seconds before the President’s two favorite hedgehogs grind the bridge rails and send the obviously nuclear-tipped missile into space.
Uh, All Hail Shadow?
Drakengard! Ni no Kuni 2!
Somehow, the President is still alive despite being within what is probably a few miles away from the epicenter of a nuclear explosion large enough to wipe New York off the map. Unfortunately, as we’ll see in a minute, this isn’t your standard nuclear missile.
No, this is the dreaded Japanese Isekai Nuke. Isekai, in case you’re not aware, is a genre of anime where a protagonist (usually from modern-day Earth) gets sent into a magical realm of some sort and has to deal with the consequences. Around the time this game was in development, the isekai genre was massively popular, but was totally over-used and is now largely relegated to the same trashbin as Lucky Star and all those military shows where the entire cast is high school girls.
You know, I pity all the people who probably wound up getting sent to Sword Art Online.
Meanwhile, in a magical isekai realm…
Is that Manah? You little shit! Where’s Caim when you need him?
A muffled explosion fills the room, and… wait, Manah doesn’t have cat ears. I swear to god though if this kid starts talking about the Watchers…
The cat-child wisely attempts to vacate the room before the impending isekai plot behind them can take over.
Whoops, too late! Now you’re stuck in an isekai plot!
So I will give this game exactly one thing: this intro actually does work pretty well and the graphics are in fact pretty good. That’s two things. Whatever.
Man, this kid’s got some guts. Also, you’re totally forgiven if you assumed Evan was a girl - his VA is a woman and until he calls himself a king I honestly assumed he might be as well the first time I played this.
If you’re not aware, Ding Dong Dell was a location in the fantasy world in Ni no Kuni 1, ruled by a morbidly obese cat furry. It is, in fact, the only location that I’m aware of that the two games have in common.
Honestly, from a lot of angles, Evan really does look like a girl.
Like Caim with Manah, the President does not give a single fuck about Evan’s bullshit. Kid, if you were going to shank him, you had an ample opportunity.
Also, the President is now like thirty years younger and has a ponytail.
Evan manages to be about as threatening as a kitten… which is actually pretty much what he is when you think about it. I want to say that he’s around 10 years old, though I don’t think his actual age is ever stated.
The President, who we now know to be Roland Crane (even though we won’t learn his last name for another 40 hours), realizes this and just pushes right past him. Note that he still hasn’t shown an iota of concern for the fact that he was just caught in a nuclear explosion, or that he saw Not-New-York get fucking destroyed. I’m pretty sure his name is supposed to be a reference to the Stephen King series The Gunslinger, which was also an isekai story about a guy named Roland.
He checks his phone, which is about as much concern as he shows for the people of Not-New-York who are either in an equally horrible isekai realm or dead. We’ll quickly learn that Roland Crane is pretty much the worst president ever.
: “I was… I was on my way to the summit…”
: “So this… this has to be a dream…”
: “That, or I’m…”
I’m not kidding when I say that this is the last time Roland will ever think about the fact that he was in a nuclear blast, or that thousands of people are dead. It will never be brought up again. I’m not even kidding. I wish I was.
Oh right, the angry kitten.
Assuming you’re the king of this mess, they probably left knowing their king is a ten year old boy.
I’d just like to point out that Roland’s idea of “play” is having a kid rush him with a knife. Just think about that for a minute.
Oh, I should mention that none of the dialogue past where Roland left Evan’s bedroom is voiced. The game has a couple of voice clips it uses for each character (the only one they use for Evan is him saying “Excuse me!” in a snobby British accent) but other than that is only voiced during certain cutscenes.
: “Heh, sure you are. Can I ask you something?”
No, but we all kind of wish you were.
: “What?!”
Suddenly, another explosion hits, this one close enough to knock Evan around.
: “All right, forget about where you are for now. Let’s just suppose for a second that what the kid said was true…”
: “So you’re the king around here, huh?”
: “Yes! How many times do I have to tell you?”
: “All right, Your Majesty. I’m going to go and take a look around. Can you be a good boy and wait here for me?”
That’s it for this update. Next time, we’ll see just how popular Evan is with his subjects, and get a pretty good idea of why sticking a ten year old on the throne is a bad thing. He’s no Elodie, that’s for sure.